My truth. My life.

A first for first days

I didn’t think that today would affect me like it has.  Although it is only 6:45 in the morning I have already went through as many emotions as I usually go through in a week combined.


Today was the first time that I did not request to be off work the morning of the first day of school.  The first time in 13 years.  I knew I had to work today and I would have rather been home when Carly got off the bus so that I could hear all about her first day, so I agreed to work the early shift and let all my coworkers enjoy their day of morning firsts.

My alarm went off and I got up.  Brushed my teeth, showered and fixed myself enough to get to work without having people scream from the fear of looking at me.  (I have to be at work at 6:30am, what do people expect.)  Things were quiet in my house.  After feeding the dog I looked at Carly’s book bag and made sure she had everything she needed for the first day of 4th grade.  I knew she would have such a good day.  Well, Except for the fact that she told me that “My teacher is to happy, I can’t deal with that so early in the morning.”. Yeah, my 9-year-old sweet heart said that.

Looking at the clock I realized I had to rush if I wanted to stop and grab a biscuit on the way to work.  I grabbed my purse, ran out the door, dug out my keys and then stopped dead in my tracks.

Why? I’ll tell you….


I know I keep saying that.  Its easier for me to say that then whats really going through my head.  After about 7 minutes I realized that I was still standing in the same place, frozen.  Staring.  Her car was there.  Just sitting there like it had no place to be.  I wiped the over abundance of tears from my mascara stained eyes and walked over to her car.

Then (this is a secret between us.) I began talking to her car.  I told it that I needed her to not be 18.  I needed her to get her kindergarten going rear end out of bed and get ready for the bus.

Next thing you know I was remembering the first day of kindergarten.  She had on this cute blue shirt and her new blue jean shorts.  Her long blonde hair was in a pony tail and she proudly put her back pack on.  She insisted on riding the bus because all the big kids did it.  I watched to go.  I cried.  Much like I am crying now.

Believe me, the tears have A LOT of pride in them. They also have a lot of regret. I regret not doing enough.  I didn’t have time to tell her I love her enough.  We didn’t do enough fun things together.

Does she know I love her?

So I guess what I am trying to say is..


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9 thoughts on “A first for first days

  1. Such a rough day for you and a day of wonder unfolding for your daughter, you made a good choice to meet the school bus coming home. Such is life, what creates the experience also moves it to the past. I think children between 8 and 12 are the best years. They are such cooperative spirits at that age. I taught high school and they were pretty cool too.

  2. Oh dear.
    My oldest will be a senior this year. Colleges have been in our topics of discussion – but – it really hasn’t hit me as I think it will when he actually graduates from HS & moves on.

  3. Wow. The joys of being a mother. Before we know they are grown up. I see my nephew and feel all the lost moments. I hear my bestie talk all that about her daughter. Sigh. Time passes. But such is life. Hold the moment that is yours and don’t regret anything 🙂

  4. It is hard the way these kids keep growing up. I don’t know how to stop it. I probably wouldn’t really stop it if I could, but maybe just a pause every now and then would be nice.

    I hope you got to hear all the news when the school bus returned this afternoon, and that helped to restore your mama heart. At least just a little.

  5. Lance on said:

    After getting ripped off of taking our middle daughter, it was even more emotional watching our youngest get on the bus, this morning. Plus, I drove by the high school ad realized our oldest wasn’t there, she will be sleeping for 3 more weeks before she leaves for college.

  6. I’m going through part two with my grandchildren. My youngest is starting 6th grade which is Jr. High School. They grow so fast. Where does the time go.

  7. I imagine the move from high school to beyond would be hard… I’ll know in a few short years. I hope the first day was good for your fourth grader.

  8. All the news and stories about back-to-school are making me all nostalgic. The first couple of years my kids were out of school, it was great. But, now… not so much. I miss those days. Your girls are all going to have a great new school year.

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