My truth. My life.

Life’s not fair


“I threw it on the ground and burst into tears.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

I’m so tired of everyone asking me that question.  I guess, technically, She is my therapist so she has to ask me.  Still, its overrated.  For the sake of my sanity, I think it might be beneficial to me to stay out of therapy for a while.

Going home was getting harder and harder.  I knew I had to. My children had already lost their dad.  It wasnt fair to them that their mom was slowly dying as well.  Physically, I was alive and healthy.  Emotionally I was spent.

I pulled into the driveway just like I had done everyday for the past 16 years.  I parked in my spot, right next to his truck.  I really should sell it, give it to his brother or do something with it.  I wont, but I should.  I had a few minutes before the bus was scheduled to arrive so I climbed in.  I just wanted to be near him for a minute.  I could smell him.  He kept his cologne in the glove compartment because I would complain about how it would stink up the bathroom.  “If you come back I will let you spray it as much as you want.”  I cried into his jacket.

When I reached over to put his jacket down, something caught my eye.  It was shiny and stuffed under the seat.  It wasnt there yesterday, I was sure.  I reached over and pulled it out.  It was a note written on the back of a sticker sheet filled with stars.  Our little girl had written to him asking him which star he was in.  She wanted to know so that she could look at that star when she talked to him at night.  She also asked him to help me.  “Daddy, will you let God know that mommy is sad?”  Our little girl was stronger and smarter than me.

How dare I be so selfish?  They needed me. I got out of the truck and went inside.  Pulling the boxes out of the basement, I began to pack.  It was time for a change. We had so many great memories in this house.  But now, It was time for my girls and I to move on and do something my dear husband wasn’t given the opportunity to do.  Live.


This was written for : The Speakeasy


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56 thoughts on “Life’s not fair

  1. wow, it feels so real,the emotionis a mile thick. This is great writing.

  2. I love this! Brilliantly written!

  3. This is heartbreaking. The loss of a loved one is always difficult to bear – I think I will be feel like this woman too. It is one of my greatest fears. She is brave and strong to pick up the pieces of her life for the ones left in her care.

  4. “Physically I was alive and healthy. Emotionally I was spent.” Perfect summation. Well written story.

  5. Wow. Love it. And I did warn Amy ahead of time about Rambles. Seemed only fair.

  6. Très émouvant ce texte. La femme qui perd son mari, les enfants qui perdent leur papa et … les souvenirs qui jaillissent partout, dans chaque coin de la maison.. et la veuve qui doit tout gérer à elle seule. C’et terrible, mais c’est la vie et il faut l’affronter avec beaucoup de lucidité et de courage.

  7. Holy crap, I thought I was reading a true story! WOW!! You are very talented.

  8. The turmoil of bereavement is really well-told in this. And, out of the mouths of babes – “Daddy, will you let God know that mommy is sad?” – a lovely line. Great piece.

  9. This does feel very real, emotionally charged and heartfelt.

  10. I know I’m still new to your blog, but this is probably the best thing I’ve read so far! Way to go, Deana!

  11. This is beautiful Deana! So powerful and poignant. Feels very real. Great take on the prompts!

  12. So incredibly heart wrenching and incredibly well written. I could not think of a single way to improve this story. It’s excellent.

  13. Well done and so believable! Loved the note from her daughter on the back of the sticker sheet – awesome use of prompts!

  14. Would ya stop making me cry over here, already???

  15. You described so perfectly that struggle between the need for any human to grieve and the need of a mother to take care of her children. Heartbreaking and beautifully written.

  16. akateraka on said:

    I love deep things. A lovely story to start the day with.

  17. I was ready to write you a sympathy note for the loss, you are a very beautiful talented writer. Thank you for sharing this heart felt piece keep up the great work!

  18. Beautifully done! Just the right balance, so difficult to achieve.

  19. iasoupmama on said:

    Oh, sadness and struggle — well done!

  20. So heartbreaking and so real. And I love the resolution at the end.

  21. nataliedeyoung on said:

    Very heartfelt and sad, but powerful.

  22. What a great story. There is a great message here, a couple of them actually. I got them. I got what this story means to me. I think when a writter writes something like this, it’s to push a deep message, and for it to be conveyed to the reader. Mission accomplished here! Well done! ~Jen

  23. This is really easy to identify with. Good job.

  24. oh my word i have tears in my eyes! wow, really great job!

  25. This is so saturated with longing and loss…very, very well done. Thank you.

  26. This is terribly sad -and powerfully written..

  27. Bittersweet. I love the surprise of the note. Something so small changes everything!

  28. Pingback: You know you want to know | MY THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT ARE AS FOLLOWS

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