My truth. My life.

He said… She said… Post 4


Last week was odd.  Really, really odd. Lance and I actually agreed on something.  That was a 1 time thing.  Usually, I am the one who’s right about EVERYTHING.  So having to share the spotlight with him threw me off.  A lot.

I have to redeem myself this week.  It shouldn’t be to hard, maybe.

So here’s how this works…

You ask us questions.  Any questions.  I can be about love, relationships, sex , kids, life, death, and anything else.  Then, I will give you my answer (which will be correct) and Lance will give you his answer.  We are going to do 2 questions a week.  Email me your questions at or facebook me or direct message me on twitter.  We will give our original answers in the blog, then we need your participation.  I want to continue the discussion in the comment section.  Lance and I will respond to the comments as well as each other.


Question 1 is from two people who asked very similar questions.  One of them is remaining anonymous (but she rocks and you should love her even though you don’t know who she is).  The other person is Michael(He is a very talented writer.  Go check him out!):  You can find him here:  FacebookTwitterBlog

1) How independent should spouses be allowed to be from each other? What are the limits? and is flirting ok?

Lance:  I am and have always been clueless when it comes to flirting. My wife, daughters,
sister-in-law, whomever will tell me some woman was trying to get up in my
business and I’ll think they’re goofy. One of my family’s favorite stories is us
in Florida a few years ago and I went to the pool ahead of everyone and some
redheaded divorce was chatting me up and I’m thinking we’re having a great
conversation about kids. Turns out my teenager alerted my wife that her clueless
dad was in danger of being whisked away from her mom by some brazen hussy. I
think it boils down to this. Your wife should be your best friend. When that
communication isn’t working then bad stuff can happen. When it comes to online
stuff, I’m much more liberal than my wife. My writing partner is female. My best
online friends, for the most part, are female, but my wife reads every word I
type, email, twitter, book o face, or blog. This is where she’ll take over and
tell you how the CIA should hire her to track terrorists.

Deana: o.k.  That’s enough from him.  He’s not clueless.  He know’s when the ladies hit on him, and he loves it.  He plays dumb so that he doesn’t have to tell them to stop, and so I wont get mad.  (I’m just kidding a little bit)

Now, I don’t care about harmless flirting.  Like he said, some of his close friends are women. It doesn’t bother me.  If I can flirt and get us free stuff, good!  It’s anything over that, that causes a problem.  No secret phone calls, secret emails about our personal stuff.  No running to another person to talk about us.  That just wrong.

I know he says I check up on his stuff.  I don’t.  He is on the internet so much that if I did, I would never get anything else done.  I do read his blog, cause I don’t want to get yelled at.

Would I be comfortable with him having lunch with a woman?  That would depend.  Jessie, Tara, Susan.  I wouldn’t think twice.  Some of the women who tweet and blog about how great it is to cheat, and steal someone else’s husband (and have done so in the past) and then claim to be happily married? absolutely not.  It’s common sense.  I trust my man.

I also believe that it is important for both parties to have friends outside of each other.  Lance is my best friend.  But sometimes, I need some girl time and he needs some guy time.  Scott, come take him away!


Question 2 is from Rene (She is a terrific writer, check her out): You can find her here :       Facebook, Twitter, Blog

2) You’re both writers, and human 🙂 How do you give/take critic on each others writing?  Do you take it professionally or

Lance: I have only one rule regarding my writing. The person I lay down with at the end of the night is either my biggest fan or she says nothing. I don’t want the love of my life, the mother of my children, telling me about sentence structure, a bad tweet, or how my secondary characters aren’t fulled developed. My wife wants me to critique, read over, proofread, and analyze her stuff. I like not sleeping on the couch and getting loads of affection whenever I wish. So, I say “honey, that was the greatest piece you’ve ever done. You’re amazing” over and over and over again. I expect her to do so in return.

 Deana:  When I read his work I must have a poker face the entire time and them jump up and down tell him its the best thing I have ever read.  Then I have to make sure he knows that it is equal to all of his other work.  He is a writing genius and everyone else should be ashamed.  That’s all I’m allowed to say about that.
When he reads my stuff, I want honesty.  “that word doesn’t sound right.”  “Maybe try this”  I would rather him tell me so that I can fix it before anyone else reads it.  I would like it if he paid a little more attention to my stuff.  I know he has a lot going on with his awesome novel  (coming soon to a kindle near you).  Then maybe I might publish my poetry.  Maybe.
Note:  Get your questions in soon for next week!

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33 thoughts on “He said… She said… Post 4

  1. I really do think my husband is clueless when a woman is flirting. He always has been. I think he’s right when he says that, when you stop being each other’s best friend, you’re in trouble. So true.

    • I agree. Thanks.

    • My wife and you, I think,have to understand that me and your husband know we are rediculously lucky to have found one woman that digs us most of the time. We’re not looking to bring on another. Is it neat to have somebody tell you they like the cut of your gib every once ina while? sure…but it means nothing more than that.

  2. I am currently single and I haven’t a clue when women are flirting with me! I could well believe Lance on this one!

  3. my rule of thumb, i don’t do anything that i wouldn’t feel comfortable with my wife doing. having said that there was the Trafalgar bar in Cancun where that rule of thumb had the envelope tested.

  4. This is fun to read Deana! I love how you show the bold differences between men and women! We are so freakin different, aren’t we?!?!? My husband and I are the best of friends! We communicate so well sometimes, that when we come across something in which we butt heads, it’s like the end of the freakin world! (We both get really bent out of shape when we have a mini-emotional drama/arguement…because it doesn’t happen very much. Yes, I am very grateful)

    I too, think(know) that I’m always right. Only because as women, we have the wonderful virtue of feeling empathy. You know, in another’s shoes.. well, I think men are completely incapable of that. For a man, it’s just his way. That’s it. No other.. So I always laugh, and I type this with a smile on my face cause we love our men.. but still, I think women rule a little better! (Sorry Jake.. I love you!!)

    Good stuff! Xo~ Jen

  5. It is a fun read. 🙂 I love this idea.

  6. I love these! Great responses.

  7. Nice little thing you two have going here. About reading each others work you should be honest. It helps you both be better writers.

  8. For the first question, I think you’re right, it comes down to trust. If you trust your SO, there’s no problem with them having same gender friends. Once trust is lost, then imagination is a dangerous thing.

  9. This is a great post! I’d love to do something like this with my husband…it’s so fun! I ask him to read my writing all the time, and he just says whatever I write is great. I want some constructive criticism; he doesn’t want to sleep on the couch. I guess I can live with that!

  10. This is such a cool idea – getting the male and female perspective on the same issue. I enjoyed it!

    I cracked up at the oblivious to flirting thing – I believe Lance..he really may not know it. The story reminded me of when my family went to the state fair when I was in high school. My brother was in college and he and my dad were waiting for my mom and I to get out of the bathroom. When we walked up, there were two young college-age girls talking to them. After they left, my dad commented that the girls were flirting with him…my mom burst his bubble and informed him they were probably flirting with my brother. Ouch!

    My husband isn’t a writer (or a reader). I’ve read him a couple of things I wrote, but they were met with an “I don’t get it” look.

    • Sometimes I don’t know what I’m more shocked by. The fact that he’s clueless when a woman starting with him, or the fact that the woman is standing right in front of me flirting with him. You the way I’m amused.

    • again, unless you say or make some move physically that says “hey, I wanna get up in your business”, I’m going to assume you’re being nice not flirtatious.

  11. How nice to read about you and your interactions with each other – charming and fun and married. Hah! Both of your response to the second question reminded me of our own dialogue hereabouts – my husband often hides behind safe answers whenever I ask him about a piece of writing I did. However, while he refuses to say whether he finds one work better than the other (that will start a succession of why-do-you-say-so’s), I can rely on him to tell me whether my sentence works or not. I find that specially helpful because, being a non-native English speaker, I often have no appreciation of some English words’ nuances.

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