MY THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT ARE AS FOLLOWS

My truth. My life.

If you see her

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“I’ve seen her before, ya know.”

“Who?”

“The lady that lives in the tunnels.  They say if she kisses you that you either die right away or go into a deep sleep and never wake up.”

“Nu uh, Your lyin.”

“No really, I followed the tracks on day last week.  All the way to the mouth of the tunnel.”

“What’s the mouth of the tunnel?”

“I don’t know what it is, I just know where it is.  My grandpa makes me close my eyes every time we drive by it.  He don’t want me to see her.  Cause he say’s “If you see her, she sees you.”.”

“Nope, still lyin.  You never saw her.”

“Whatever.  If you don’t believe me, look for yourself.”

“Okay stupid, what was she doin then?”

“The same thing she’s doin now.”

“WHAT?!?!”

“She’s lookin at me.”

***********************************************************

This is for Trifecta:

MOUTH

1a : the natural opening through which food passes into the body of an animal and which in vertebrates is typically bounded externally by the lips and internally by the pharynx and encloses the tongue, gums, and teeth   b : grimace <made a mouth>   c : an individual requiring food <had too many mouths to feed> 2a : voice, speech <finally gave mouth to her feelings>   b : mouthpiece 3: something that resembles a mouth especially in affording entrance or exit: as
Please remember:
  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words.
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response.
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.
  • Only one entry per writer.
  • Trifecta is open to everyone.  Please join us.
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68 thoughts on “If you see her

  1. I love scary movies, scary stories, scary everything. This gave me goosebumps!

  2. “She’s lookin at me.”

    Awesome story. I liked it so much that I can’t help but write an ending in my head that goes something along the lines of: Smart person hightails it out of dodge while Mr. McClueless gets himself killed by creepy monster lady that he can’t stop himself from seeking out.

  3. Your writing is very good, love it! Got wrapped up in writing many of your old stories/poems as well. This one reminded me of a story we were told as kids were there was this candlestick lady at the end of a dead end street and she had no hands, just burning candles as fingers and everyone was afraid to go down that street.

  4. Really like this piece! very true to kids- I will have to chew on your subject a bit
    see what comes up.

  5. This was nerve wracking to read. Great job capturing the emotions of the kids. I can hear them bantering back and forth. Awesome story!

  6. I must admit that I’m a little bit scared now.

  7. Timeless and universal, this childish one upmanship of fear.

  8. Ah well plotted !!!

  9. Incredible finish! Just was not expecting that, was enjoying the real and clear dialogue then suddenly!! With that story you reached into two inner fears, very real ones – the first as you said, the childhood memory of the strange person in the strange house that we all knew, and also the person or people we know that may just have extra abilities, and it is true we don’t like to catch their eye. A tale by dialogue alone is always wonderful when the characters come alive like they did here. I think I wouldn’t have used capitals but that is me..there is a line ‘day last week I thought might refer to a particular day.
    This story stays with me. Really enjoyed it.

    • Thank you so much! This story came to me the instant I woke up this morning. I am so glad that it’s getting such a great response. I love when I am able to reach people with my words.

  10. Oh this took me back to the days of the bogey-man. Very well done.

  11. Oh Oh! Someone’s in trouble!

  12. Oh, this is awesome! Very creepy, with an excellent build up to the last line. Great job!

  13. Scary but hilarious! A clever twist of a story and a classic ending to top it all! Nicely Bo!

    Hank

  14. That was sufficiently creepy. I love urban legends, they are great for scaring kids.

  15. scary! very well done

  16. ha! this sounds reminiscent of my childhood – my best friend’s sister was always trying to creep us out with this kind of stuff!

  17. Ha! Awesome creepy – what a fun read!

  18. Terrific, deana! Great finish – she’s lookin at me. I have 5 sisters and I probably shouldn’t admit it, but I was always trying to scare them, being the oldest. Nice work.

  19. OMG.. what an ending that was, Deana. Eerie but wonderfully told.

  20. That gave me chills – as expected.

  21. Do we post this on our own blog or on here Deana?

  22. Eerie ending! 😀 Love it.

  23. Wow, another potentially horror story! And a chilling ending! brrrr! I hope the kids won’t get into trouble though, they seem smarter than the usual movie thriller victims…

  24. Oooooh!! Goosebumps! This was great–a new urban legend to tell around the campfire…

  25. This was terrific. Loved how it ended…………… looking at me, of course! Adore this story!!

  26. “Nu uh, Your lyin.”

    Awww Deana, you had me at that – can sooooo tell you have kiddos. 🙂

  27. Draug419 on said:

    This is creepy as hell. Reminds me of all those ghost shows on the sci-fi channel >__< Great, spooky work!

  28. If I got it right, even I feel that way in the dark. As if thousands of people are staring at me. Good one!

  29. I love the dialogue. It is a perfect capture of two younsters’s conversation.

  30. Yikes!Am glad I was not there!Loved the way you led us on with the cute dialogues-boys showing off & then wham!Great job Deana:-)

  31. I had a couple of minutes between supper, putting the girls to bed and getting back to report cards so, I decided to pop over to Trifecta and see how the week was going for everyone. Your name popped off the list so I decided to give your story a read and I am glad that I did! What a fun, suspenseful little scene. I love that you never really showed what happened. That, to me, is the hallmark of classic suspense! Very well done. 🙂

  32. This is creepy, with the potential of being a nightmare! This reminds of something that happened as a child – a friend convincing me this guy was watching us, but we couldn’t see him. I didn’t want to leave my house anymore 🙂

  33. Oh, so creepy Deana. But very well done

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