Its hard enough to make tough decisions on your own. When tough decisions are taken out of your hands and made for you, it can break your heart.
7 years ago when I gave birth to our last child, I had scheduled to have my tubes tied. It was a decision that didn’t come easy. I over talked it to death with family and my Dr’s. I cried and prayed and finally decided that was my final answer. My delivery was easy, God had gifted me with yet another precious baby girl. After delivery, they placed my 8lb 7oz baby in my arms and I knew. I looked at the Dr and I said “I can’t do it, I cant risk the chance of not being able to have another one” I knew at the time that I didn’t want to have another one, yet I liked knowing that I could change my mind.
Not to long after I had her, I started to get really sick. I went to Dr after Dr with no results. The ran blood work and nothing came back. I went to the emergency room once a week and realized that they eventually started giving me sugar pills to help my “pain”. I was hurting. The Dr’s told me that I wasnt. Eventually one of the ER Dr’s told me that my lower abdominal pain was coming from my Gahl Bladder. The immediately removed it. You will never guess what happened next, the pain came back.
I scheduled an appointment at yet another Dr. I drove 20 minutes away to Dacula. I walked into the office in which I thought I had an appointment. It turned out that I was in the wrong office. The nurse asked me what was going on and immediately put me in a room. That was the day I met the Dr that saved my life. Dr. Gerber ran some test and delivered to me the news. At the age of 31, I needed a partial hysterectomy. My heart broke. After the surgery I started to get better, then I got worse. Dr. G completed to hysterectomy removing the rest. After the surgery he told me my insides were so infected and filled with endometriosis that it could have killed me.
I have been well and healthy for 2.5 years.
This morning, I had an experience that I have had many times in the past, and I am sure that I will have many more times. Sitting in the Dr’s office for my yearly checkup I saw many new expectant mothers and fathers. My heart was filled with joy for them, yet breaking into little pieces at the same time. God blessed me with 3 amazing daughters, and 2 amazing pregnancies. My only regret is that I couldn’t give my husband one more precious angel.
I am sure that my heart will continue to break over this.. I just wish I knew how to make it heal…..