The anxiety of it all
Living with someone with anxiety is the same as living with anxiety. It doesnt matter which side of the relationship you are on. When anxiety takes over, its tough on everyone.
My husband has anxiety. He takes a daily medication that helps him cope with real life. He has not always taken the medicine. Shortly after we were married he had a severe panic attack and ended up in the emergency room. I think that finally made him realize that it was time to get help. He takes 1 of his medications everyday. If he misses one, it is obvious. He also has a medicine to take when he feels overly stressed or feels an attack coming on. Thats not so easy to get him to take. By the time he needs that medication, he is usually already so worked up that hes already upset. If I mention the meds, he yells and tells me he is fine, Im the one with the problem. Why am I trying to shove pills down his throat?
Please understand, My husband is a very loving man. He is an amazing husband and an amazing dad. I couldnt and wouldnt want to live without him. When he has his attacks, its not him. At first, I didnt understand what he was going through. I thought he just had a side of him that was a complete jerk. He would say things that would be very hurtful. It broke my heart. I would fight back at first. Yell, scream and return the insults. I thought he was playing “Poor, pitiful, me” He acted like everyone is against him.
He still has the attacks occasionally. Not nearly as often as he used to. They are still bad, very bad. I have learned that I should not take it personally. I would be lying if I said that it didnt still hurt. I still cry. I struggle to deal with it just as much as he does. I have stopped (almost) yelling back. Its hard.
A few days ago, he had a really bad attack. It was so bad that he was packing a bag to leave me. I almost let him. The next day he was fine. We had a great day. What I dont think he understands is that when his attacks are over, they are over for him. Its easy for him to let it all go because it wasnt really him. As for me, I still remember clearly. I still remember every insult.
On a normal day, everything is good. Trust me, we still have our married couple arguments, but we always work through them with ease. I wish their was a cure to help us both be anxiety free.
I love my husband. He is a GREAT man! We will work through this….. together.