My truth. My life.

The anxiety of it all

Living with someone with anxiety is the same as living with anxiety.  It doesnt matter which side of the relationship you are on.  When anxiety takes over, its tough on everyone.

My husband has anxiety. He takes a daily medication that helps him cope with real life.  He has not always taken the medicine.  Shortly after we were married he had a severe panic attack and ended up in the emergency room. I think that finally made him realize that it was time to get help.  He takes 1 of his medications everyday.  If he misses one, it is obvious.  He also has a medicine to take when he feels overly stressed or feels an attack coming on.  Thats not so easy to get him to take.  By the time he needs that medication, he is usually already so worked up that hes already upset.  If I mention the meds, he yells and tells me he is fine, Im the one with the problem.  Why am I trying to shove pills down his throat?

Please understand, My husband is a very loving man. He is an amazing husband and an amazing dad.  I couldnt and wouldnt want to live without him.  When he has his attacks, its not him.  At first, I didnt understand what he was going through.  I thought he just had a side of him that was a complete jerk.  He would say things that would be very hurtful.  It broke my heart. I would fight back at first. Yell, scream and return the insults.  I thought he was playing “Poor, pitiful, me” He acted like everyone is against him.

He still has the attacks occasionally.  Not nearly as often as he used to.  They are still bad, very bad.  I have learned that I should not take it personally.  I would be lying if I said that it didnt still hurt.  I still cry.  I struggle to deal with it just as much as he does.  I have stopped (almost) yelling back.  Its hard.

A few days ago, he had a really bad attack.  It was so bad that he was packing a bag to leave me. I almost let him.  The next day he was fine. We had a great day.  What I dont think he understands is that when his attacks are over, they are over for him.  Its easy for him to let it all go because it wasnt really him.  As for me, I still remember clearly.  I still remember every insult.

On a normal day, everything is good.  Trust me, we still have our married couple arguments, but we always work through them with ease.  I wish their was a cure to help us both be anxiety free.

I love my husband. He is a GREAT man! We will work through this….. together.


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7 thoughts on “The anxiety of it all

  1. My son has panic/anxiety disorder too, and takes meds to help him control the episodes. It can be very frightening to witness when he is in full panic mode… especially knowing that there is nothing you can do to help, and that when you do try to help, it sometimes makes the situation worse.

    I empathize and have been there too. Lance is lucky to have a family who loves him and understands what he’s going through.

  2. What a powerful post, and as someone who has experience on both sides of your story, I have to say this is spot-on. The part that really hit me was with “I have learned that I should not take it personally.” This is such a hard thing to accept, again, on both sides of that fence.

    For the person with anxiety, it’s hard not to think that it’s your fault, that it’s something you “should” be able to personally just get over. For the family and friends, it’s hard not to feel helpless and hurt. If both sides can talk as openly as you did above, it makes it easier for all involved.

    As you can tell from this ramble, it’s a complicated subject–both in words and in reality. But like you said, you can get through it together if you work together, keep the communication going so silence isn’t mistaken for resentment or fear. This was a great post, and one I’m sure you will come back to, and hopefully your husband will, too.

  3. Lance on said:

    I don’t really know what to say. You now how I’ve described this deal to you and how it takes over. I never use it as an excuse nor do I use it as a weapon. I’m just sorry you have to deal with me.

    I love you. I love you for writing this.

  4. The worst part of it for me is not being able to make it better for him. I hate seeing him go through this. I hate seeing him hurt.

    Thanks ladies for the comments and support.

  5. I understand this completely, living with someone who struggles with bipolar disorder. It’s hard. On both of us. But you’re right, they don’t have the same memory of it all after the fact that we do, especially being women. We remember things that they don’t realize have happened, the look in their eyes, the tone of their voice. It’s hard. It’s very hard. Y’all are both amazing and talking about it all openly and honestly is the best thing you can ever do. It’s why we’re still together 13 years later 😉

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